you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
