i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
