Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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