I'm lost and stupid without you.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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