I seem to have left my pride at pride
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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