I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
