you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
