I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I looked at my own cervix.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
