i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
