i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
