An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
