Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
is it fun? or sober?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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