Who wears a wallet chain?!
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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