I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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