I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
false alarm. still invincible.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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