Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
