It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
