Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
