I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
