she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
