Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
