Define "chronic" masturbator.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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