I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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