I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
