My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
