matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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