Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
