Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
