Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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