her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
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