i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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