it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
