Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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