Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize