i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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