I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
