The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
