I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
