Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
They have beer where we have blood.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
