I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
