Soap is not a condiment
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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