somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
