drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize