a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
