okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
