You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
