You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Be still, my beating vagina.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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