I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
