I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
