apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Randomize
