So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
