She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
The feeling are messing with the penis
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
