my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
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his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
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Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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