I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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