Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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