Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
