I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Pants are for mortals
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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