i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
