You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
This girl is more easily done than said...
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
